Funny Late Night Tax Quotes

Funny Late Night Tax Quotes

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The Two Funny Late Night Guys

The lighter side of taxes from America’s late-night wits: 

Jay Leno

“65% of people say that cheating on your income tax is worse than cheating on your spouse. The other 35% were women.”

“Today the IRS gave some guidelines on how to avoid getting audited. Number one, don’t list deductions that will raise a red flag. Number two, make sure you file on time. Number three, don’t make any stupid anti-war speech at the Academy Awards.”

“The IRS now says you can deduct weight loss plans off your taxes. You can write it off because the government has officially declared obesity a disease. And it’s a disease, you can deduct medical expenses. That shows what a difference an administration can make. See under Bush, obesity is a disease. Under Clinton it was just sexy.”  

Conan O”Brien

“Monday, April 15th, taxes are due. I just don’t pay them. Yeah, this year Arthur Anderson did my taxes, I’m getting $6 billion back.”

“Yesterday the IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new rules, you’re allowed to claim two or more chins as dependents.”

David Letterman

“If your accountant is Arthur Anderson … today is the last day you could have your tax documents shredded by April 15th.”

The Other One ("Uma. Oprah.")

“I hate to be the one to remind you, but just pretty soon it is going to be April 15th, it is going to be tax time. You know what I am saying? Are you ready? Well you know when something like this happens New Yorkers always try to put the best face they can on a situation. For example the hookers in Times Square, for an extra $50 they will handle your extension.”

About Peter Pappas

Peter is a tax attorney and certified public acccountant with over 20 years experience helping taxpayers resolve their IRS and state tax problems.

He has represented thousands of taxpayers who have been experiencing difficulty dealing with the Internal Revenue Service or State tax officials.

He is a member of the American Association of Attorney-Certified Public Accountants, the Florida Bar Association and The Florida Institute of Certified Public Accountants and is admitted to practice before the United States Tax Court, the United States Supreme Court, U.S. District Courts - Middle District of Florida

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